This page is updated every Monday

EST OF MONDAY, JUNE 3.

featuring work from: Danny Cole, Genevieve Nollinger, Jheyda McGarrell, Carlos Semedo, Dominic Patterson, Emma Czerwinski, Cybelle Corwin, Kaitlyn Crosby, Zamar Velez, Shamshawan Scott, Samuel d’Saboia, Lily Carson, Sam Casper, & Miles Singleton.

 
 
 

Alone Together

by Danny Cole

 

Weetzie Bat

Annotated by a 13-year-old Genevieve

 
img780 copy.jpg
 
 

21

Jheyda McGarrell

I’ve done shrooms the last 3 days, a spiritual journey to think about why I’ve been thinking of prey. 4 am to the airport, there is nothing left of the feeling of care to keep me company on the way. The potholes and I dance alone on empty highway. When I came into town I’d see your face, I was hoping I’d find another reason to jump around the coasts. I’ve been flighty for a while now, getting away from the things that feel unresolved, I hoped you’d wait a little bit longer. I can’t count months properly, days felt like lifetimes when you’d come around. Last time I’ll see you, framed by windows paid by money I didn’t yet have. Safe flight, you’d wish me well but I’d know the look in someone’s eyes when I’d let them down.

You told me late at night the reason I’m used is because I love too much, too open, too free, too many faces that matter to me. I told him late at night the reason, tomorrow I will forget, yesterday I’ve forgotten- I am reckless with my heart. I left that night, knees collapsed outside of blue truck, I can’t walk away if my body doesn’t want to leave you like this. I left that night, too many words said, too many knives piercing my own heart. 

When I get back to New York, this time I feel relative comfort. Comfort of being somewhere familiar, comfort of my candles and incense, comfort of routines. Suitcases lay half full on my bedroom ground, never having been unpacked from the last time I left town. I’ve been walking around with your words heavy on my mind. “I just thought, I just thought”. I’ve been walking around with feelings of guilt, am I wrong for who I am ? 

He’d come over late every time he came, he came over late to sleep in my bed. In the morning we’d fuck and I’d forget that I told myself I don’t like this but I did and I do. The attention of someone I could look up to, someone who didn’t treat me like an entity. I’ve been wanting to get slapped but it made me feel bad to tell you. To let you know that my face begs to sting when I see a certain look in your eye. I sit alone sometimes and wonder if its okay to want things that hurt. 

Question my relationship with pain; Question my relationship with love; Laugh in the face of the devil          

 

It's been a while since I wrote the beginning paragraphs, fresh off a heartache I started pondering on the sentiments behind shame. Here I sit, over two decades old still deciphering how to deal with my shame. I am ashamed I still even feel shame. Shame is defined as: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. I've personally been trying to grapple with how shame is ingrained in how we participate in ourselves. Our sexualities, physical pleasure, aesthetic self representation are all influenced by the shame taught to us. When I began writing this, I was actively participating in my shame. Trying to express myself about these topics has not grown easier as I age, to feel peace in vulnerability, without shame is something I desire most. To say we fucked and fucked and fucked. To hear words from someone I care for and have them drift with ease out of my head instead of lock themselves into my set of standards. I am still trying to figure out how to say I am understanding with myself, say I don’t care what others think of me but how do we figure out things that cannot fit into the binary of done with or not? How can we not care about thoughts of people we care about?

I wish we could indulge, in peace.

 Sweet things taste just as sweet when we’re allowed to have them. 


 
 
 

 

 

I Live In L.A.

Emma Czerwinski

img779.jpeg
 

Itsy Bitsy Bikini

Cybelle Corwin

img507.jpeg
 

iPad Drawing

Kaitlyn Crosby

 
 

 
 

Carmine (preview of new zine)

Zamar Velez

(purchase here)

About the zine in Zamar’s words… “I decided to use the color red because of the reds in the old film stock called “kodachrome”. The reds in kodachrome always instantly stood out to me. I started by shooting all my friends wearing red or just looking for things red and photographing it. These are about a year’s worth of photos focusing on this concept. I love photographing my friends and making them look beautiful or cool because it makes them feel good about themselves. That’s all I really want to do, make people feel good, so I can do that through photography.

The book is called Carmine because it perfectly describes the reds in the book. Very deep and vivid. Kinda resembles the color of blood. I just think it looks tight.”

Excerpts from Carmine

 
 

Kodachrome References Below

 

Jawbreaker Throwback

Shamshawan Scott

backg.jpg

Scramble

By Emma Czerwinski

See out city wide don’t know what I see. 

Cars moving collaterally. 

Peacocks up on the top of the hill I hear them calling across the way. Look out over at downtown, so loud so noisy i’m here so quiet so sweet. The sky looks like a treat (always does though). Eat up the moments thats what they say to do. Live all day long like a vegetable laying in the sun incarcerated by the fun we are supposed to have. Everyone over on every weekday and staying til the morning playing pretend talking shit talking and smoking. I don’t know if thats a star or a satellite rocket. Everything gonna be okay I promise. Everything gonna be okay I promise. 

Falling in love again, eyes all red. Falling in love again, next day wish they was dead. Some theorize that this earth is hell you know, you can choose to believe that if it eases your mind. Find something else to believe if it doesn’t. 

I could have another life but I have mine.

A house that faces the view without windows. Sit and watches a screen. The difference is that’s what the decision is. Put it online and its callout culture. Put it in a book and its juicy, and I wish you wrote more about ME! ME ME ME! Thats what Ill call it, this fucking big hole in my pocket. 

After this week I really need a break from things. 

Get back to my mind and what I make of things. 

its in summer that things are happening so in LA its always happening. When its hot I get all naked and happy dancing and smiling and whatever else. Cover up the wall with plaster, chip off the paint from the floor, gloss it seal it stick it forgot it we are gonna trash it again by next weekend. Don’t swim if you don’t wanna go in the deep end. hoowwww am i supposed to make money without discluding kids who are poor? I don’t wanna charge too much but I’m not mass producing so the markup is nothing idk it’s all super confusing. rhyming in doctor suess schemes. waking up from fever dreams like fuck i’m not sick anymore. 

turn up at the discography and icon photography. 

Wanna make a movie but can’t remember to even drink water

help me guitarist

help me old big eyes

help me find this meaning to life

help me know what i’m supposed to do 

with it

without it

forget it

dead flowers cycle out create different bouquets shams falling asleep on a flower pillow clothes in a trash bag pink purse in a black suitcase clothes hanging in a coughed open closet putting face cream on before bedtime things got relocated

make it fake it break it take it 

drop the last name and pick it up now you’re famous

drop the last name


now pick it up …



 
 

I’m Tired and I think I love it

by Lily Carlson

IMG_6954.jpeg
 
 

 SAM CASPER SHOW, JUNE 15 AT THE PIG N’ WHISTLE in LOS ANGELES, $10 CASH

 

coming soon……..

 
 
longer.jpg

Front page is updated every Monday with select content

EST OF MONDAY, JUNE 11.

featuring work from: Paige MacCready, Emma Czerwinski, Kaitlyn Crosby, Alana Baer,
Brandon McClain, Cybelle Corwin, Tom Wilson, Audrey Schmidt.

 

 
 

It Doesn’t Always Feel Like This But I’m Happy When It Does

by Paige MacCready


 

untitled

by Emma Czerwinski

at the party and the music is so loud and thumping it makes me nothing 

it bangs in my head

bathroom is pink

photobooth is broken

chuckee-cheese-token


moon is growing in the daytime 

like i’m watering it with juice

i always need music playing to get in or out of a mood

laying on the sidewalk tanning

put on sunscreen

all just have a knack for 

knowing what they wanna do 

but not how to do it

barking at the top of his head

for the rest of the afternoon

go to my favorite parking spot again

to watch the sunset

sitting on the sidewalk 

bike riding right now sounds nice

on the same train like a  million times 

cherry lime soda in a big green glass



digital drawings

by Kaitlyn Crosby

 
 
 
 
 

Love

by Alana Baer

I love button
billow baby
banana bad wine
luck
in lavender and
kumquat in footsteps
pretty like
rain cuffed
in corduroy
I love half I love
ceramic spoonful of sigh
click clack
sink sack
leather luck lust
I love wait I love throb I love nail beds I love
nails and beds
wrinkles in beds
books butters ballets
in beds
and almost
in half
and half
dim light dim
I love the smell of jazz if jazz had a smell ice cream dripping to tile floor freshly painted celadon walls but only in the the winter like I love fuck sun smock and so I love


Hate

by Alana Baer

I hate missing sock
mistake I hate
rat
raisin
fluorescent forget
and death and
a plastic clothing hanger
wet paper crowded flip flops
with heels
carbohydrated turquoise trip
I hate jimmy fallon and jeggings
messy messy hurt
humid handshake
hurt
I hate dumb
and sticky smell
arts crafts promised pills
I hate sand in food the number three
Cathy I hate you
knot never loathing loading liquorice
I
hate math
moth
meth
broken zipper
laminated in a lie
I hate lost

 
 
backg.jpg

Playlist

by Emma

Bday - Isaiah Rashad
Love Me Now - William Onyeabor
Jasmine (demo) - Jai Paul
Talk It - ESG
Peach - Kevin Abstract
Hookers - Tierra Wack
Die - L.A. Witch
Malibu - Hole
Drinking in L.A. - Bran Van 3000
Creencias y Abstracciones - Kai Peaks
East Atlanta Heartbreak - Coco & Clair Clair
Melting - Kali Uchis
Yam Yam - No Vacation


 

Recents

by Brandon McClain


Phone Backgrounds

by Emma Czerwinski

 

Phone Photos

by Cybelle Corwin

Survey
Survey
Social media helps me be productive
Social media helps me meet people who have similar interests to me
I would be fine without social media
Social media has taught me a lot
I feel like myself on social media
Seeing details of other people's lives helps me feel more connected
Likes and comments and followers don't really mean anything
I would be more inclined to like someone if they have a better social media account
Social media keeps me updated, and properly informed
I am addicted to social media
Overall, the benefits of social media outweigh the negative impacts
For me personally, the benefits of social media outweigh the negative impacts

Here’s Some Pics

by Tom Wilson

 

Wrote this on a 10-hour plane ride

by Audrey Schmidt

Screen Shot 2019-06-11 at 5.02.30 AM.png
 

Really Glad It’s Not Winter Anymore

by Emma Czerwinski

Not my room service

by Cybelle Corwin

Screen Shot 2019-06-11 at 5.18.51 AM.png
backg.jpg