Losing and Finding Yourself

Weekly advice column, Hosted by Fii.

Fii is a psychology student, and self love & women’s rights advocate. She has been sharing her own struggles with depression and anxiety openly on her platforms for years in order to remind people that they are not alone, and to fight stigmas of mental illness. 



Dear Fii,


Lately I've been struggling with myself and the way I appear to others. I'm having trouble finding my own style, because I feel like there are so many different archetypes and styles and I feel like I can't just pick one. I want it all, and I feel like I can't be one thing one day and be another the next day. Any advice on finding your own style and such?

You should work on finding yourself for you, not for others. Wear what you like, wear what makes you feel good about yourself. It shouldn’t matter what others think because it’s how YOU dress. If wearing dresses makes you feel light and pretty then wear em. if jeans and a t-shirt make you feel comfy and cute, rock it. If you don’t know what makes you feel best, then mix it up. You are an ever changing being, and your style is something that can really show that.

Don’t confine yourself by silly societal labels, if you feel like a punk pixie one day and a fairy princess the nexts, that’s okay. Do what makes you feel the best. Makes you feel the most you. And if changing it up regularly is apart of that then do it. Your style should represent you!

People will love and respect you for being yourself and showing that through what you wear, and if they don’t then they’re not worth your time.



Hi, I was just wondering if there is anything I could do to feel more loved in my life? I love a lot of people and I'm sure they love me, I just can't seem to feel it.


You are aware that love is all around you but you don’t feel it. To feel more love you must be in touch with the love around you. Not just know it’s there but open yourself up to accepting it and ultimately feeling it. Reflect on the love you receive and take it as it is, a gesture of love. Really focus on every little gesture of love. Recognize love in everything and love in return. Spend more time thinking deeply and carefully about the love around you and practice gratitude for it. Increase the awareness you have for the love that is around you. Stop saying sorry and start saying thank you. Thank people for the love the give and love them in return. Love is a two-way street, to feel more love you must give more love.

Increasing awareness of the love that surrounds you will not only help you to feel more loved but it will also help you be love.




If I didn’t know what an existential crisis felt like before, I definitely do now. I believe I’m the kind of person who craves passion. Trying to imagine a life where career and passion are seperate things feels unbearable to me. My problem, like perhaps most of us - I have no idea what I want to do.

My eyes don’t glisten or have that spark that I see in so many people around me when they talk about their interests. Is my anxiety stopping me from feeling fully? I have no idea and I need some advice...

I don’t think your anxiety is stopping you from feeling fully, but i’m not a professional. If you are on medication, however, this often can make people feel less there.

You can definitely find a career that fits your passion, but you first have to find your passion! Focus on figuring out activities or subjects that really spark your interest. If you can’t think of anything that sparks your interest, try something new! There are so many paths you can choose, and so many ways to go, you have your whole life to figure it out.

Brainstorm on things that matter most to you. Is it health? The environment? Humankind? What is something that is meaningful to you. What is something you want to make happen. Take a pen to paper and spontaneously write these things down, write anything you might find interesting and start trying something out! You’ll never know what you do and don’t like unless you try it, and one of these days you’ll come across something that really speaks to you, or even multiple things !! And that’s okay too.


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I recently deleted all my social media apps because I realized that I’m doing more comparing than sharing.  I feel a lot better about myself after only a few days, but I’m embarrassingly bored!  I realize that I have so much time on my hands now, and I sort of don’t know what to do with myself.  Any ideas?

BP :)

That’s amazing!

You need to find hobbies, things that you enjoy doing that can maybe also be good for you! I think the first step is to write a list of anything and everything that might interest you, go to the library and check out a few books if you need to, but make a list! Then, slowly go through the list until you’ve found something that you enjoy spending your time on. Maybe it’s reading, walking the neighborhood dogs, or watercolor. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you enjoy it!


Here are a few positive ways to spend your time:

•    Reading

•    Exercising

•    Turning emotions into art

•    Reflecting

•    Practicing gratitude

Giving back/volunteering


send in your questions to cake@themessyheads.com


***You have compete anonymity when sending questions to Fii, but if we hear that you are planing on hurting yourself or someone else, we are mandatory reporters. Please note that this advice column is not a substitute for professional help. If you are facing serious family, personal, or mental issues, seek direct help***


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