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what i’ve realised is that humans really all they want is connection. connection to others, to feel loved, to feel wanted, to feel safe with one another. being honest and communicating is the most important thing, although sometimes that is simply not enough and that is ok. not everyone can be comfortable with everyone. everyone is at a different stage in their life and will get to where some people are now later. that is ok. timings for things are different for everyone and there is no shame in that. people are beautiful and we are connected to each other because we are on the same planet and experiencing life in different ways but fundamentally, still, we are the same. we want love, we want touch, we want freedom, we want safety. zooming out of the world and thinking about the stars and the galaxies and the other planets and space makes you realise that nothing is truly a big deal. you are an expression of the universe, embrace that. everyone is. and that is truly beautiful. we are so lucky. i am so lucky. good experiences bad experiences all experiences are valuable they teach us something, we learn and we keep learning.

jupiter is visibile to the naked eye this month! and if u use binoculars or a telescope you can see the 4 main moons :)

i get sick of my life and sometimes i just want to be someone new everyday. i dont want to be judged and limited by the people that already know me. i want to just go out in the streets alone, not tell anyone and just try a new personality for a day, meet new people and make new impressions. its not like the personalities aren't me because if they weren't me, i wouldnt have the desire to be them on some level right?? honestly, i don't know anything anymore and am scared to let anyone in my life know how i feel. is this normal? my guesses are no.

i keep watching porn instead of being productive. its becoming a problem i havent done anything these past three days.

**trigger warning, sexual assault

i'm unraveling the hurt from an assault last year, i chose to repress it all! I didn't think it was a big deal until i almost had sex a few months ago. I could't move and started to cry so softly so he wouldn't hear. it's been nearly a year since it happened, and sex has become an increasingly alarming area for me. So much i avoid dating because i'm scared to have sex again. i can't get this idea out of my head that i'm simply an object. I feel like my body isn't mine, i'm simply an object of pleasure for them. i haven't told anyone. But i don't want what happened to dictate my life anymore. I just want to feel comfortable, to be able to feel affection and return it without freezing. I met this boy, he's so sweet and gentle and has kind blue eyes. I know i'll have to be honest with him, i just don't want his opinion of me to change. I don't want to be thought of as a victim. I just need a little more time

i started noticing colors about a month ago, and now my hair is going to be orange.

I am falling in love!!!

i think billions of planets exist but i have paintings of chairs in my unfurnished bedroom. my heart seems bigger than my life and priorities.

I feel like how I did at 15 and I don't want to go back there. I thought I was doing better.

Why is body dysmorphia always there? its just in my mind! constantly im thinking of how i look! and why is it not seen as an important mental illness, or less aggressively, a common issue amongst us all. it is under discussed and ive been fighting it for years, id love to hear more stories and troubles to be able to feel right. it makes me feel that im wrong physically and mentally and even emotionally for seeing myself in certain ways. i just shared the fact of me having dysmorphia and my past eating disorders with a boy im talking to. he complimented my body, but thats not what i need. i need love. i hate that i feel that i need to experience love in order to fully accept myself. i love myself sometimes but never always, and i really have not accepted myself yet even thought im just sixteen. im an earthangel, my soul and my energy is much older than my physical age and im dying without love. love in the form of me giving love to another or another giving love to me is almost like water to a plant, it makes me blossom into my true self.

I feel like I'm falling back into my old ways of living after existing outside of that for a year. my friends in my hometown are all really goin thru it rn, and I am too. im not sure where my home is or where it will be eventually. I can't conceptualize myself settling down but I want to be at peace with my surroundings. Im desperately seeking the next best thing and I want to give up that illusion.

every time i'm around too many people, i go home and overthink everything i've said or did and want to scream.

everything that happens in life is to do with the relationships you make with people. every aspect of our lives are governed by our relationships and I think if ur trying to work out the meaning of life, creating connections with other has to have something to do with it

working in this little gift shop a town over...the most useless items...people come in and grab things at random to gift to their loved ones. what is the fricin point? I have to smile and give suggestions as if I think they should actually buy shiny napkins or ugly purses

***i saw on someone story: “i get that no one has a perfect life and stuff but how do people just swallow their insecurities? like i need help” and i really just thought about it for a second because there’s someone who popped into all of our heads when we read that. so i thought about it and thought about those people and wondered “she’s right, how do they do that” but we just assume they do that. and when i kept thinking about it: maybe i’m the person people think swallowed their insecurities. but obviously i’m not, i’m so insecure-> which is okay everyone is. but maybe people don’t think i am. so chances are- the people we thought “swallowed their insecurities” didn’t. in reality just do a better job at hiding it. and that’s like something huge i’ve never thought about. and it pushed my buttons when people make jokes- we all do i get it i do too. but sometimes it actually hits the wrong spot, the insecurity and we don’t realize it because these people are so good at hiding them.

why do i constantly listen to depressing music if I know it's going to make make me sad lol.

also it's so weird to think everyone is their own person like... im me and Ur you and everything we have experienced and every decision we have made up til this point is LITERALLY what has made us who we r

i’ve seen 11:11 on the clock almost twice everyday for the past 3 days. i always make the same wish. i should feel lucky. instead i feel hopeless. i like reading horoscopes and wishing by the time, anything that makes me feel like i’m in control, like i can choose my own adventure type thing. however, i have not felt in control of my life for a very long time and it drives me insane

It is so much easier to sit in the comfort of being sad and doing nothing. my head hurts but its familiar and i'm used to it.

 Everyone's an individual and I break my own heart because I don't know how to live for myself and everyone's a performer and I break my own heart because I don't know how to be.

Sometimes it feels good to do what I don’t need to do. To prove to me that I’m still an individual human. Not just a brain whirring among the rest in a student coffee shop. Gazing occasionally up, recognizing someone else's lack of anything. Empty brains. Empty, busy brains. Floating between distraction and purpose. Type type type. Don’t stop typing or you’ll start thinking. Here, let me buy an over price iced latte so I can pretend it's giving me energy. Really the only time i have energy is at night. When my roommate is asleep and and the room is hardly dark and i'm thinking of all the things i wish i had the guts to do in the total daylight times of my life. That’s when i remember myself. 

I’m realizing the friends i thought were gone forever are just as important as they ever were. Distance made them shiny not fading. I'm thinking of summer days even though its only spring. That glory that's only in my head. Creation and learning without deadline. All an imagining. The reality will be sleep sleep sleep. I’ll try to hang out with friends of friends and just end up looking at my feet. I’ll crumble up the paintings I make for my grandparents. And start anew.

I’m meant to do five paintings for a woman with a baby. She wants eucalyptus and orange blossom for over the crib. I want to cherish the lines i create, imaging young eyes gazing at them. One of the first pieces of art they will see and maybe touch. It should be beautiful but im afraid. I want to please the baby. They could end my non existing career. 

Oh mama. How did you feel when you were never me. 

MY MIND IS RACING. I feel like everything's coming together except when I start thinking about the future.... I want to be successful... somewhat

Come to any realizations lately?: no one is as they seem on the internet, including me

Come to any realizations lately?: ive realized that feeling like an imposter isnt true and its not possible because whatever we consume whether it be music on social media books education everything we learned or experienced is through our own perception every single person is unique and incomparable by default(also this tone sounds harsh um disregard that ❤️)

Come to any realizations lately?: My life has existed in the same cycle of highs and lows ever since I became a teenager because I constantly think about how everyone perceives me.